there are people like you, im like that myself. there's just something about us that repels people sort of. who knows. maybe you're ugly or your facial features are just 'off' in a way that human brain processes them, and people end up disliking you subconsciously. maybe your speech patterns are like mine, where I sometimes talk in a way that gets perceived as negative or arrogant, but I mean no harm, I dont feel that negativity, yet apparently it does sound negative and overwhelming. and so on and so on. maybe you should just accept that you're sort of like that, a god's lonely person. but dont withdraw and give, proceed being yourself, at least that's what I did, and maybe you will be lucky and you will find people who will be ok with you being who you are and expressing yourself the way you express.
also, very few people are lucky enough to have good relationships with families, especially extended families, dont beat yourself over it. it's essentially random people, especially in western cultures, and nobody cares about you, and you shouldnt care about them much by default.
and yeah, work on your appearance. it's probably the most important thing.
You have to understand something about normalfags in general, that is, they're always looking for value. If you can't really in there with the flow of a group discussion, it just shows your low status of how worthless you are. Unless the other person is really a quite special case, you're going to have a bad time clinging to them even if you do consider them a close friend (they might not feel the same way about you!). They expect you to be able to carry yourself socially independently and to be able to comfortably get your bearings in a group. When you have to lean on someone all the time to have someone to talk to and not have to be all silent off in a corner, you're being dead weight more or less. Some people just aren't cut out to have (many) friends. Somehow you managed to have a girlfriend who cares you and who doesn't seem to mind so don't take that for granted. Keep your self-deprecatory thoughts to yourself. At the same time, you should be best friends with her and not just lovers. Sorry about your mom, lainon. Navigating these social waters is something that must be done alone especially as an adult.
You seem to be quiet the strange case. On one hand you seem so far gone that even the mocking comments of your family hurt you, on the other hand you seem to have found a person that seems something in you that even pushes them to support you.
I would advise you to not freak out about it (your behavior). Think about it, you have made it up this far, so being weird for an additional year won't kill you.
Make good use of that time though. The most important thing while being in a crowd of friends is to listen. And listen with intend you only have to do.
In a crowd with strangers ? Good, just go about your business.
It seems you're thinking too much about acting what would be "normal". Keep in mind that doing nothing is normal.
>I barely talked and just stood there trying not to make eye contact with anyone unless they asked me something or talked to me. But I didn't know where to start a conversation with anyone. Then out of nowhere they started to ridicule me and humiliate me to the point where I just had to leave and cry my way home
I had a very similar experience recently except I didn't want to draw attention to myself by leaving or moving at all for a little over an hour, even when they made physical contact in their mocking.
>Now I'm just wondering if I should just cut these people out of my life
What would you get out of being around them in the future? From what you said my guess is 'not a lot', except from a lot of misery and discomfort. And don't interpret your inability to connect with these soykafters as a problem with you.
>Then again at this point there the last bit of family I have left after what happened earlier in this year with my mom
This means absolutely nothing. Just because they're genetically related to you does not mean they are worth having in your life, and it certainly doesn't mean they can fill the gap left by your mother.